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Every packed bag and every prayer hides a truth I can’t risk revealing.
December is my favourite month; my birthday falls three days after Christmas, and I’ve always loved winters for this reason — the holidays and the presents. Not today. Not this year.
I’m not out to my family despite being open about it on social media. They’re blocked everywhere, so I don’t expect them to find out. My sister, also homophobic, might have a clue, but that’s a box we don’t need to open right now.
What’s pressing is the coming week. I’m terrified. My therapist tells me I don’t need to be, considering I’m an adult, and I’m only spending the week with my mother and meeting a few relatives… If only it was that simple.
I grew up in a deeply religious Christian household. Like most religious families, there was nothing remotely Christian about it. I began deconstructing my faith in 2021 and currently identify as spiritual and agnostic. My mother has undiagnosed ADHD and NPD, which for me translated into a childhood of emotional and physical abuse. I’m 22 now. The last four years have been better. The physical distance of an outstate university has kept me safe.
My relationship with her remains unclear after three years in therapy. Most voices say, “She’s…